Dave, James Blake Selfish

What if I'm selfish? What if I'm the reason behind it? What if I'm overprotective with family because of how mine is? What if I'm jealous? Maybe that's what's making me nervous What if my effort of pulling you close are pushing you further? What if I'm selfish? What if the reason they call me "The Greatest" Is also the reason that me and you livin' on different pages? What if I'm too much? What if I settled and I didn't fight? What if my fear of doing it wrong's the reason I haven't been doing it right? What if I'm selfish? What if the kids just wanna be kids And don't wanna live in and out of the news and chill And don't even wanna be rich? And what if I'm so self-centred that I don't even realise what I could miss? And what if I'm, what if I'm fallin' in the abyss? Maybe it's– (What if I'm–) Yeah Maybe it's dark, maybe it's day, maybe it's too many nights in L.A.​ Look at the house in Surrey and still, all of the feelings we hid in the Hills Maybe it's you, maybe it's me, maybe the media or the provoking Gave you my heart, I laid it bare, funny you went and you poked it What if it's better with me out the way? What if it's better with me out the– Like, what if it's better with me out the way? What if I'm poison? What if I'm cancer? What if I'm dangerous and I'm wild? Look in my eyes, you're seein' a child What if he's broken? What if he's scared? What if he's ostracised and vilified? See, peace is just an illusion Ain't got a home, I live in confusion What if I'm selfish? Forever, forever, forever I manage the symptoms forever You can love how you want I know to give is no loss Can you settle for second? And let go of your idea of heaven? I know it's a lot But it might be all that I've got I wanna throw myself in Snap off the mask I want a clown that sings And a love that lasts I wanna escape the wedding Go with you to the carriage I wanna give you my life Or at least something to cherish But what if I'm selfish? I done a lot of things to regret Like announcin' our split on a text Don't know why, but I still buy gifts for my ex Watchin' her stories to see if she checks I'm a mess, I don't know if my head's in the game She told me don't mention her name, I'm suggestin' the same I'ma get through the pain, wanna see the sunshine, gotta get through the rain Bag full of trauma, I left on the train I'm ashamed for the days that I said that I changed I'm a cheat, sat in a therapist chair cryin' like a baby in the middle of a Harley Street Like I'm fightin' this sickness that I can't beat, I'm disloyal And then I go mad, reflection tellin' me I'm just my dad And this white woman tellin' me it ain't so bad Middle of my sentence she cut me off, like, "Sorry, David, we don't have any more time "Your appointment till 4 and it's 3:55" Bruh, I feel like she wouldn't even care if I died Man, tried all this therapy shit, man, tried all this therapy shit Bruh, I know, wouldn't even say I'm depressed But I'm low in the Grosvenor Casino in Edgware Road I've got too many sins to atone and a voice in my head Like, at this point, like, at this point where you should've been rich, like At this point where you should've had kids, like At this point should've built you a life, like Look around you, don't you feel you're behind? Like Look around you, don't you feel you're behind? Like Look around you, don't you feel like, like What if I never find love? Don't know if it's scarier, the thought of us two together or bein' alone I'm so used to bein' alone What if I'm somebody nobody wants? What if I'm damaged or what if waited too long And have mould on me? What if I'm cold on me? What if I cut off the hand that I hold on me? What if I'm rapidly spiralin' and tired and jaded? Or what if I'm faded? Or what if anxiety's growin' inside me That I might have left all my best years behind me? Or what if I'm scared as I touch twenty-seven That you don't appear in my idea of heaven? Or what if I'm, what if I'm ​What if I'm selfish?